“I’ll Meet You There” (December, 2015 One Moment Shifts)
Not long ago I was reminded of a poem by Rumi. This is a piece of it:
“Out beyond the ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing,
there is a field.
I will meet you there.”
When I read this it reminds me of how our ego (in the Buddhist sense of our fear and lack thoughts, not Freudian) likes to make us feel separate from others. One way it does this is by telling us that someone must be right, and someone must be wrong. This is a distraction from compassion and love. Therefore, it is a distraction from our most authentic, inherently powerful self.
A Mindful approach is one of no judgment. This includes not needing to label thoughts, emotions, situations, opinions as “right” or “wrong.” Instead, Mindfulness helps us to observe without analyzing, judging, or attaching. Mindfulness helps us to truly experience an experience, hear, and understand.
Our ego will listen to something a friend, coworker, loved one, etc. is saying and pick it apart, looking for what it can analyze or get defensive about. That is mindless. It isn’t being in the moment with what the other person is saying or trying to express to us. It’s being caught up in our own stuff and our need to prove to someone (or our ego!) how right we are.
Mindful listening means being in the moment with what we are hearing. Instead of getting caught up in our come back or opinion. Mindful listening is just that; just listening, just hearing.
Rumi’s words can also remind us of how we can achieve the deepest, most loving relationships. When we seek understanding, instead of telling the other person why they’re wrong and why we’re right, we are showing empathy and compassion. We can then invite someone to be vulnerable with us, which is necessary for growing trust.
When we take on a conviction of right-ness (and-so-they-are-wrong-ness),
we are separating ourselves from others. We are creating an environment of otherness. When we take out the right and wrong, and instead want to understand, we will most likely find that we all want the same thing: happiness. In this, we are all connected. My opinion is that when we forget this, we are a continuation of many of the problems in our world.
I would encourage you to try this on. Try out waiting in the “field” that is, “beyond the ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing.” Catch yourself when you are having attack thoughts, righteousness thoughts. Do your best to seek understanding and compassion instead.
See what happens for you.
Peaceful travels on your journey to your happiest self!